kayfromhome

Here’s something I never thought I’d say: I am incredibly grateful for my time of singleness.

There are things I did as a young single that I could never have done if I’d been married.  Also, things that I’d be more reluctant (or busy) to do while dating or engaged. 

While I am in a new season brimming with excitement, being attached puts different demands on my time.  Welcome demands, but demands nonetheless.  There will never be another time in my life where I will be as available and accessible as I was during the years of singleness.

Have I always been thankful to be single?  Nope.  Would I go back and do it again if I had the choice?  Absolutely not.  Do I see clearer now, the gift that time was because my singleness is fast approaching hindsight?  You better believe it.

There is something marvelous and magical about singleness that I will never get to experience again.  I will never again have the freedom and liberty to come and go as I please, or to dedicate myself to whomever or whatever I choose.  As a single woman my loyalty lay with myself and to God so I was available.  Not so much available to date, as available for late night dinners, or coffees with the small group.  Available to friends in need or to participate in all community events.  Available to drop everything and run out on a whim because I felt like it.  Available to do what I wanted to do, when I wanted to do it, where I wanted to do it, simply because I wanted to.  

As a young, single woman, I had no obligations to put off in order to “make space” in my life for people.  I had no children or husband to answer to or ask permission from.  No one to be mindful of.  I had nothing but margin to fill.  In the freedom of that margin, I developed irreplaceable friendships with interesting women, who are so dear to my heart.  I was available for innumerable opportunities like moving states for the job of a lifetime, or meeting up with a man in Maryland who would one day change my life entirely.

Yes, amidst that availability, there were also lonely Friday’s and Galentine’s dinners (with no valentine to snuggle up to when I got home from dinner with the girls!), but there were also cross-country trips with friends from college. And really late nights, and lazy, empty Saturday mornings.  

So, it wasn’t all solo ice cream binges.

Again, a future husband (and one day, children) is welcome and highly desired.  But I cannot deny my appreciation for the time of singleness I was afforded.  For it was in that time that I established the best friendships, took the most phenomenal risks, and became the kind of person that I could live with for the rest of my life.  And also, became the kind of person with whom Daniel could spend the rest of his life.

Which is pretty cool, if you ask me.