kayfromhome

As a native born Hawaiian who is 7 years into my pilgrimage to the continental United States, my ethnic background is often reduced to stereotypical and characterized Hawaiiana; such as Lilo and Stitch or Moana. Hawaii 5-0. Mele-freaking-Kalikimaka.

7 years. Did I know when I followed a boy to the ends of the earth what it would feel like 7 years down the road? Definitely not.

I have no regrets. Truly. But today, as I raise my daughter on a Shore that’s not my own, the typically tiny twinge of homesickness that underlies all my days has evolved into a homesickness charley horse. The quickness and intensity of the pain is shocking.

I always imagined that one day, if I ever had children, I would raise them at home. Among the aunties and uncles, where the village is big and the helping hands are many. I imagined blood cousins and hanai (“adopted”) cousins, and boatloads of bare bottomed beach babies.

Most of all, I imagined being immersed in my own culture with it’s pervasive Polynesian values. The same values I was inundated with for 26 years; so much so that I completely took them for granted.

In Hawai’i, there is a pride that comes with being, “Grown, not flown.” Native born, not a transplant. Of the blood. Of the people.

“Of the people” is my story… but it is not my daughters. I am surprised by how that grieves me. While I am no longer in Hawai’i, Hawai’i remains in me. And these are the values I want my daughter to grow up with while raised off island.

People don’t need to earn your respect before you give it. [Pono, aloha] We always start from a position of respect, and let the other person’s behavior (not the stories of their history) inform that position.

Your family is a priority. You don’t get to choose your family… except when you do. [Ohana, hanai] Family is synonymous with loyalty, trust and belonging. We make mistakes, but we make up, move on and stick together. You always have a place in the family. 

Speaking of having a place, there is always a place for a welcome one around the family table. You make time and space for the people you love. Also, meal time is social time. [Ohana, aloha] Feeding is a Hawaiian love language. If offered, don’t decline. Sit, eat and give thanks. Additionally, clear the table and wash the dishes. Don’t wait to be asked. Don’t take no for an answer. Because…

You are responsible for the well being of where you are. In the home, out of the home, and the people that inhabit the land (town, city, etc.) are your responsibility. We care [malama] for where we live and it is our responsibility [kuleana] to leave a place better than when we found it. 

We work together in harmony, we don’t cause waves. [Kokua, lokahi, laulima] We don’t look out for ourselves above others, and we prioritize the communal good. That being said… we’re not doormats either. Because of that…

You will fight for what is right. [Pono, kupa’a] We’re courteous, but not cowards. We care for and protect what needs protecting. We are not merely bystanders in this life.

Lastly, take your shoes off when you enter someone’s home. This one has no Hawaiian word counterpart. It’s local sense.

I have new compassion for Abraham. I empathize with his task of leaving his homeland for foreign soil, all in the name of obedience to God.

The first time my child touches Hawaiian soil it will be because she was flown there. She will not have been grown in Hawai’i, but I can assure you that Hawai’i will be grown in her.

And for today, that is enough for me.