When love is right, there is no pebble. 

I firmly believe that faithful, honest love is the closest thing we have to heaven on this earth.  Whether among family, friends or romantic relationship, there is safety and security in being fully known and still fully wanted.

Being engaged has been a thing of felicity for me.  No more guessing about timetables.  No more waiting and wondering about the future.  No more hopeful anticipation.  I have found the one my soul loves, and I will not let him go… this time. But, that’s a story for another day.

Cautious, curious girl that I am, I had so many questions prior to engagement. And who better to ask than those who have braved betrothal before me?

“How do you know someone is really the person you want to pursue?  How do you know—for sure—that they’re the person you want to marry?”

‘Married couple,’ I’d beg, ‘don’t let me waste my time.  Give me assurances!’

If I had a nickel for every time someone told me, “I just knew,” I could probably pay off my student loans.  And that’s only slightly hyperbolic.

You just ‘knew’?  What does that even mean?  How do I measure my certainty?  In miles?  Minutes?  Cups of coffee?  More importantly, how would I be able to tell if I was wrong?

Now that I’ve loved and been loved by Daniel, I can confidently say that I understand that previously unhelpful answer much better than I did before.  Part of it is trial and error.  Making a decision and learning as you go.  This takes time.  There is a gradual, but unmistakeable certainty that comes with loving someone that fits you well.  Still, if ever I am asked, I plan on saying something a little different.

One day, if an unsure and unattached girl asks me ‘how I knew,’ I will give her my own vague, unhelpful reasoning:

There was no pebble in my shoe.

Have you ever gone for a walk, and gotten a pebble in your shoe?

When you first notice the pebble, you may not be likely to stop right away.  It’s easy enough to continue on your journey without stopping, or alerting anyone of your pain or discomfort.  After all… It’s just a little pebble.  A mere inconvenience.

A pebble isn’t very big. They aren’t necessarily dangerous and are small enough to be ignored.  But, in the right place, a pebble is highly noticeable.  They are just large enough and just hard enough to cause genuine pain if you continue without removing it.  Think of the blisters!

A pebble in my shoe, very much like a single pea beneath the mattress of a princess; that’s what wrong love always felt like to me.

Tiny obstacles.  Miniature red, nay, yellow flags.  Easily dismissible things like the slight strain of contriving, or the constant need to justify relational legitimacy to myself or others. These were the metaphorical pebbles in the “shoe” that was my heart.

‘I’m sure it’s not my conscience speaking,’ I’d say, ‘It’s simply fear of commitment, or apprehension of the unknown.’  Knowing full well I faced abiding fear, that caused me to avoid prayer because the apprehension intensified not diminished.

‘I know I’m trying too hard to make things work, but, love is work, isn’t it?’ I’d justify, making excuses for some obvious lack in consistent partnership with the object of my affection.

How my heart would break with disappointment when, time and again, that nasty pebble would show up.  No matter how much I convinced, contrived or strove.  No matter which “shoe” I tried on, there it would be; making it’s presence known, over and over, until I became tired of walking with it and moved on.

While I don’t believe in the idea of a “One” (as in the one person in the world meant only for you) I do believe that when God’s blessing is on something it has a feeling of rightness.  Goodness.  Natural ease and attraction.  Similar to the feeling you get when you enter a warm, cheerfully lit kitchen after a long day of work, and sit down to a hot, life-giving cup of good coffee.

In a relationship filled with rightness, there is no pebble.  No colored flags.  No unease in the spirit.  No striving.  It was as if my heart was waiting for Daniel, rejecting everything else before him.  Maybe it recognized that anything that’d come before wasn’t quite the right fit.

While I can’t be sure of that, I am certainly sure of my decision.  That at least, satiates the cautious, curious girl inside of me.  And hopefully will do for the equally curious girls that come after me.

From my pebble-less shoe to you… Until next time, reader.

4 responses to “When love is right, there is no pebble. ”

  1. Hi Kayla! Long time no see! I had no idea you were such an amazing writer. This blog really spoke to my heart, but I have a question for you. What happens when you don’t have a pebble in your shoe, but you don’t know exactly how the other person feels? Like you, I’ve met so many guys and each time I would just feel uneasy about it. I would try and ignore it at first, but there was just always something that was off; so I would move on. But what about when you meet someone and you have so much peace in your heart about them, but you don’t know how they feel? In my case he wasn’t ready for a relationship right now and recently left for college, but never told me how he feels about me even after I expressed my feelings to him. He had good reason not to because he just got out of a relationship and needs time for his heart to heal, but it still left me very confused. I don’t know if I should wait for him to come back or if I should move on and trust the Lord to bring him back to me if that’s His will. All I know is that I’m very good at guarding my heart and I’ve always been in tune with the Lord’s will for me and this one just felt so right.

    1. Hey Brianna! Thank you so much. I’m so glad that this post touched you. 🙂

      I’ve read your message over a few times and, girl, my heart goes out to you. I wish I had an easy answer for you, but I don’t.

      Relationships are tricky. Feelings, logic, and God all meet in this messy, intermingling bowl of emotional spaghetti. Noodles everywhere, everything touching.

      Trust in God in this instance would be more, trusting the He knows how you feel, knows what you need and has your best interests at heart; more than trusting He’ll bring that particular individual back to you.

      The rightness of God and the peace of God are crucial to making any decision. But! Feelings are subjective and fickle. Humans have been known to believe and believe wrongly… Not that you’re not right, by any means. That’s not what I’m saying at all.

      But, as you said, this young man needs time for his heart to heal. My suggestion would be to give him some time. As difficult as it might be. And, if you’re still friends and you still feel the same way, approach the subject directly. Ask him how he feels! It’s better to know (either way!) than wonder forever.

      I’ll leave you with a little story. A few years ago, Daniel and I were at a crossroads in our friendship. We both had grown so emotionally attached and didn’t know how to address our feelings. So we did what most normal people would do… We ignored them! It came to a point where I was so uncomfortable, I had to say something. We actually ended up deciding to separate as friends; the emotional limbo we were in wasn’t fair to either one of us.

      3 months later, after prayer and counsel, Daniel reached out to me. He said he was miserable without me and couldn’t imagine living that way for the rest of his life. The rest, for us, is history.

      I can’t say for sure that that’s how things will work out for you and your friend, but I can say this: if you’re heart is fully surrendered to God and you seek wise counsel in your decisions, the Word of God says that He will make your paths straight and your plans succeed. (Proverbs 3:6 and Proverbs 15:2) Always according to His purposes, for His eternal glory.

      God has your back. In everything. Sometimes, you just have to take a chance!

      I’ll pray for you tonight, sweet girl. I hope all the best for you!

      1. Thank you so much for your wise words and encouragement! This actually helped me a lot. I haven’t yet, I’ll have to give it a read! Again, I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to try and help me figure this all out!

    2. Also… Have you read “Just Do Something,” by Kevin DeYoung?

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