kayfromhome

I am already nostalgic for the days I am living in. There has been good in every season of my life, but none so solid, so quiet and calm, so deeply abiding as the good of now.

Sometimes, I weep prematurely for the days when things will change. I indulge in more than my fair share of anxious thoughts, where I speculate when the deep well of blessing and God’s good will toward me will run dry. Never if. Always when.

Why are we like this?

I say “we” because I’m assuming, if you’re here and still reading these after all these years… you’re like me. (Or you must really like me)

Folks like us are always running forward in the race of life, trying to scoop up as many good memories in our open arms as can possibly fit; finding ourselves both yearning for times to come and times that have come and gone, while inadvertently completely neglecting the time that is. A present, the present, unopened. Out of focus.

Sheer joy, tinged with sadness because good things don’t last forever on this side of eternity. And the eternity placed in my heart recoils at the temporariness of the temporal.

Isn’t it funny how on the best days, the bad days seem to fade from memory?

One day, I will remember with intense longing the things I take for granted today.

As for now, I will exploit this rare moment of clarity and presence of mind (and minding of the present).

I will appreciate the lazily spinning specks of dust slow dancing in the golden sunlight pouring in through the window of our first house. I will breathe in deeply, the warm woody smell of our secondhand leather couch, as the melody of passersby, children laughing, and the distant barking of a neighbors dog lull me into an almost dreamy dreamlike state.

I will cling to the here and now, before the now becomes then and then “then” becomes “once, long ago.”

I will thank God for the eternity He placed in the hearts of man, but also for the moments He provides at the present.

My present.

My gift.

Today.

I am already nostalgic for the days I am living in… but perhaps tomorrow will bring something equally as sweet, and maybe the real remedy to pre-nostalgia us remembering there’s always something to look forward to.