Author: Kayfromhome
-
Not that resolute.
This New Year was not that resolute. It was something softer than that. Cozy even. Daniel and I spent the last hours of 2023 with dear friends listening to early 2000’s hip hop, playing board games, and praying we didn’t collectively fall asleep during Mario Party. It was a mish mash of good people doing…
-
No one told me I was average.
No one told me I was average. Not once. I grew up under the shadow of Great Potential. (The less obvious, more pathetic follow up to Great Expectations) I was 4 years old when I tested into private boarding school. “One of 10 out of 10,000” my mom used to say. I was speaking in…
-
Pre-Nostalgia
I am already nostalgic for the days I am living in. There has been good in every season of my life, but none so solid, so quiet and calm, so deeply abiding as the good of now. Sometimes, I weep prematurely for the days when things will change. I indulge in more than my fair…
-
34 isn’t midlife is it? So why am I in crisis?
Let me start by saying that I feel young. Which I know is totally something old people say, but truly I do. My spirit feels youthful, in the way that I can still be idealistic. I am compelled by deep, burning passion and the urge to “change the world.” I am young enough that I…
-
I’m sorry that the friend you have isn’t the one I used to be.
I’m sorry for the unread messages. I’m sorry that I never called. I’m sorry that I missed your birthday. I’m sorry that the friend you have isn’t the one I used to be. I’m not who I once was. Not even for myself. My life. My body. My house. It’s all unrecognizable. Half held conversations,…
-
Someone once said…
Have you ever considered that He designed you with your exact desires and skills, strengths and weaknesses, and He works relentlessly and ardently to help you realize those desires? There is coming a confluence of plan and desire, and every day is a step closer to that empyreal day—a day of rested passion, of founded…
-
The Silent Years… by the Girl with nothing left to say.
Today I gently blew the dust off my keyboard for the first time in years. It was more of an exhale filled with resignation, really. With shaking hands and a wavering heart, I went through the motions of a long forgotten, half-memory type habit that’s much less sure than the muscle memory of riding a…
-
For Daniel: Is it year 6 already?
If we’re being honest, I never thought we’d end up together. Even on the days I wanted you most. I was everything a good Christian mom warned her son against. Bad stock from a bad breed; a history drenched and dripping in scarlet. And yet, here we are. 12 years past our first “hello’s,” and…
-
For Daniel, Years Four & Five
Dear Daniel, I know I skipped a year, but have mercy on me. 2020 was not what I anticipated. But, I don’t want a do over. (Personally, I believe we did the thing right the first time.) I’m sure I have more to say, but not today. I love you, my Daniel. You were always…
-
6 Feet Apart
If you had told me 7 weeks ago that the next time I would be “all together” with my church family would be 6 feet apart in a parking lot, I would have thought you were barking mad. If I had known that the last Sunday was gonna be the last Sunday, I would have…
kayfromhome 